YOU KNOW YOU HAVE BEEN A DISPATCHER TOO LONG WHEN...
>
> *    You answer your home phone "9-1-1, what is your emergency?"
> *    You spend more on fast food than utilities.
> *    You see nothing wrong with eating a Taco Bell Grande Meal or
> pizza at 3 a.m.
> *    Adult emergency personnel, not related to you, refer to you as
> mother/father.
> *    You consider coffee an indispensable work tool.
> *    You answer your home phone "dispatch".
> *    You answer dispatch phone "hell" instead of "hello".
> *    The only thing that gets your adrenaline going is the walk to
> and from your car.
> *    You find humor in other people's misery.
> *    You're only happy if you have something to complain about.
> *    You consider patience a weakness, not a virtue.
> *    Your idea of a good night involves someone getting shot, chased
> or dismembered.
> *    You have forgotten what it is like to actually eat a warm meal.
> *    Your dog doesn't recognize you and the kids think you're just
> the person who drops by every now and then to bring groceries and do the
> laundry.
> *    You think it's funny when a would-be suicide gets bored waiting
> for the gas from the stove to do it's thing and lights a cigarette to
> pass the time resulting in an explosion that leaves her neighbors
> homeless but she still survives.
> *    You truly believe stupidity should be painful.
> *    If an officer screams over the radio that a nuclear bomb has
> just detonated, you'd just ask the "20" of the mushroom cloud and assign
> it an eight digit case number.
> *    Dinner consist of a 2 liter bottle of soda and whatever you can
> scrounge out of the vending machine.
> *    Antacid tablets, or better known as dispatcher candy, become
> your regular desert.
> *    You read newspaper accounts of a major incident that occurred
> during your shift and can point out all the incorrect information...and
> then laugh about it.
> *    Family members comment about how nice you "used" to be before
> you started this job.
> *    You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac and/or birth control
> over certain parts of your city.
> *    You have no idea what a holiday is, other than it's the day when
> everyone gets drunk and beats up their family members.
> *    You can carry on more than 4 conversations simultaneously.
> *    You have the bladder capacity of a tanker truck or of a small
> third world army.
> *    You can resume a conversation with coworkers 4 hours later, in
> mid-sentence and everyone knows what you are talking about.
> *    You have a long term telephonic relationship with one or more
> paranoid schizophrenic PTSD suffering relatives of a public official.
> *    You inform your teenager," I will always know".
> *    You get impatient listening to people relate a story - You want
> "just the facts".
> *    You believe 90% of people can't look up a telephone number.
> *    You get easily bored with happy, content people.
> *    You have perfected the phrase "I pay taxes, too".
> *    You have perfected some witty response to the comment, "I pay
> your salary!"
> *    You can talk on the phone, listen to the radio and type request
> into the computer at the same time without missing anything.
> *    You think it is funny when a "regular client" kills himself
> while breaking into a business.
> *    You can give directions to any location in your city off the top
> of your head.
> *    You can relate a 10 minute story over a 2 hour time period,
> after many interruptions, without losing your place.
> *    You refuse to allow anyone to say "have a quiet shift".
> *    You believe that the statement, "It sure is quiet!" will bring
> down the wrath of god upon you.
> *    Your friends and neighbors call for legal advice.
> *    You can give anyone the exact address of every bar in your
> jurisdiction.
> *    You question the motives of anyone who makes an effort to get to
> know you after they learn your profession.
> *    You know the phone number of every restaurant or business that
> delivers food, specially late at night.
> *    You spell everything phonetically.
> *    You can only tell time on a 24 hour clock.
> *    You acknowledge your friends and families remarks with the time.
>
> *    You have spent time explaning to officers, firefighters or EMTs
> the difference between a dispatcher and a personal assistant.
> *    You live in fear of a full moon.
> *    You are on a first name basis with every crazy lunatic in your
> jurisdiction.
> *    You find no comfort in knowing that the equipment that you
> depend on to do your job and protect others was purchased at the lowest
> bid possible.
> *    You respond faster to the name "RADIO" or "CENTRAL" than you do
> to your own name.
> *    You find yourself talking to family and friends in codes.
> *    You hear more alien invasion/abduction stories than Scully and
> Mulder of the X-Files.
> *    You have a tendency to giggle at your friends "big" problems.
> *    You respond 10-4 when told to please pull around to the first
> window at a fast food restaurant.
> *    You tell cops where to go without fear.

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